Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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