lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
