im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
