3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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