She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
