Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
