i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
