I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
