And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
