U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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