the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to cum in my sink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
