took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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