That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
