last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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