I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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