what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
