If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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