I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
