Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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