I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just cropdusted the office
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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