oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
