I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
