oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have aggressive nipples.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
