we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
