Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
