For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
