Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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