why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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