I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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