dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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