my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
