my phone needs a breathalizer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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