Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
