So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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