I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to make out with him forever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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