You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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