He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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