dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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