He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
