U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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