this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
