Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
