I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
