So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize