He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
