You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
