Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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