just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
