the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
