haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
