She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
