I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
