Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize