i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
