exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
