Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
