your parents love me but you hate me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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