my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
