Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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