you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
