i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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