You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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