bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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