I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize