i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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