i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
