I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
