all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
