Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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