So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
