Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
