No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
