Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
