So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Panties = found
Randomize
