I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
