I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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