I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
did i just pee glitter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
