Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
