You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
