Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
