I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize