He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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