K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
