nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my being single is dangerous.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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