fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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