i will never coherently bang her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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