you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
