Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
