She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
