You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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