She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
