Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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