my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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