Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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