i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
