why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
