I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
