Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
