Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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