you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
